It's been a hectic last few months. The kids have started their new school and are adjusting quite nicely. My bf and I have also started nursing school(we must be crazy). We have 2 of the kiddos in football and have managed to survive the entire (almost over) season with the help of family and the support of our friends. All of these new changes and activities have certainly come with new, yet expected, stress. There have been times when hiding under the covers has seemed like a better alternative than getting up, making coffee, making lunches, making beds, PowerPoint's, phone calls, grocery trips....oh, the list goes on and on. And on. Yet somehow, (it's not really somehow, it's because I love my life) I manage to get up and get most of it done in the 24 hours that God decided was enough for a day. I personally think it should have been at least 36. Maybe I'll put in my request for a change...
On the rare days when I don't have much going on, I have to make myself sit and relax. Today is one of those rare days and I have been spending time on the Internet, hence the new blog post, checking out Facebook, emails and so on. I read a few blogs I subscribe to and the blog of a close friend really had an affect on me. She is going through a rough time. You name it, she is going through it. Divorce, child custody, loss of a home, moving, new schools. It all adds up. And I can tell there are days it really gets to her. It reminds me of when I went through some of those same things a few years ago. I remember when my life was spinning, my head was spinning and I wondered how I was going to keep it all together. There were days when I didn't, that's for sure. I found that going through a divorce made me feel alienated. Alone. Even when I had support. Especially when I didn't. I was a scarlet letter to my married friends and I didn't have much in common with my single ones. I didn't know where I belonged. I lost contact with so many because I was afraid of judgement (the last thing anyone needs). I bent over backwards to keep the lives of my children normal and stress-free. I tried to be everything to them so they didn't feel alienated, too. I talked them, and myself, through the tears and feelings of hurt and loss. I acknowledged their pain, anger, frustration and blame. I did my absolute best to provide an environment where healing could begin. And yet, even when I made mistakes, felt as though I wasn't doing enough and was sure I was ruining their lives, I had support. My mom always had my back. She convinced me to not believe the lies I told myself. She let me know when I was in denial. With her help, and a few others, I managed to mostly keep my sanity.
And thank goodness I did! Now, we are healthy, happy, adjusted.
I say all this because what it comes down to, what I realized today when I read my dear friends blog, is that we all need support. We all need words of encouragement so much more than we think. We need each other. We need our people to tell us we are going to make it. When life is hard and when life isn't. We need to give kind words to those we love because it does something great and profound inside our souls. I know she has that support from her family, from me. I hope she knows how proud I am of her. I believe she is an inspiration to others in her community. She is the picture of how to make lemonade out of lemons. And I know it hasn't been easy for her. I know she has probably had her fair share of days where getting out of bed was daunting. Where angry, hateful thoughts got the best of her. But, instead of giving in, she keeps moving forward. Mommies don't have a choice, do we? We keep going for our kids. We keep going in spite of troubles, obstacles, lack of faith and love. And even though it doesn't always seem like it, we have much to be grateful for.
I have more than my share of blessings. I have so much good to be thankful for.
I'm grateful for the arms of my hunny when life is good or bad. I'm grateful God blessed me with beautiful children who make my heart so, so happy. I'm grateful for my family and friends who made it through the crazy times in my life and are still willing to stand within arms distance of me. And most of all, I'm grateful that when I need it most, and even when I don't, I am lucky enough to have people in my life who believe in me and let me know it.
Because of all this, I can't wait to see what tomorrow might bring. And I can't wait to pay it forward.
